Day 1 – A Favorite Song

I must have a million favorite songs and they change daily. It depends on my mood mostly. I can listen to one song over and over again and then forget about for six months. Music is one of my favorite things on earth. My dad is very musical and my mother is not and I’m still trying to figure out how she can go through life not caring about what is playing on the radio (Unless its my sister’s rap music, then she cares because she hates it)

So my “favorite” song at the moment is OneRepublic’s “Secrets” but the funny thing is that I like the song because I hate how it makes me feel. Crazy, no? Thing is I can relate to the first verse which goes,

I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess
Til’ all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I’ve said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw wink, no
I’ve been on the brink, so

I like the words because I can relate to them but at the same time they scare me. I feel that I do that sometimes, get myself in bad situations just to say I’ve been there, I survived, to have a story, to get pity, to tell my therapist something….and that’s such crap. But everyone loves a good story. It’s not like its a conscious decision….hey, I think I’m going to go get drunk so I can laugh about it in the morning….but just like how everyone loves to top the previous person’s story, I think we like to top ourselves.

And my favorite line atm is “Sick of all the insincere/So I’m gonna give all my secrets away”. Quite applicable at the moment, though if I told all my secrets…we’d be there a while.  And then the bridge that says

Oh, got no reason, got not shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don’t let me disappear
I’mma tell you everything

It’s like that belief that a person doesn’t truly die if someone is still there to say their name. Its true in a sense. Don’t let me disappear, remember me, here’s my story so someone can write it down and hundreds of years from now someone will read it and I’ll still exist somehow. Everyone wants to make their mark and that’s ok except we fall into the trap of saying…

So tell me what you want to hear

Instead of just doing what we want a/o what we should be doing. We get so caught up in what we think people will enjoy, what people will respond to…and that’s what I am afraid of happening in my own life. Yes. I want to make a change, a difference, I want to leave a mark but not because I did what people “liked” but did what was needed.

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Published in: on November 20, 2010 at 8:53 pm  Leave a Comment  

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