People Lost

So I am still trying to determine whether I wasted today or not. I feel like I did nothing productive, sat on my butt most of the day (ok all of it) and yet I was much more social than I have been in a looooong time. So where does that fit in?

I had a dream about Crankshaw again. I was saying goodbye to her outside of the Koiania building andMatt Hill was in his van watching…not sure why I keep thinking so much about her lately. Yes, I miss her but the last few months before I moved I didn’t even really have much contact with her so why do I miss her now? I guess because I had a good talk with her when I was up there in October and because of all the women I so admired up there she is the only one that would talk to me if I asked. Well Debbie and Mrs. Z would too but I was never as close to them…or Linda Johnson. Ok, so there are four that would then why do I get so caught up in those that won’t?  Why can’t I forget the Flans and Kathleens and Stephanies…

That’s not fair to put them all in the same category. Its two totally different situations, two totally different farewells. Stephanie and Kathleen didn’t leave me. They didn’t shut me out. Stephanie risked a lot for me actually. Stephanie, who knew me for a year put herself out for me more than Flan who knew me for my whole life. Oh why am I comparing them? What good will that do?

I included both Flan and Kathleen in my Christmas card list. I would have included Stephanie if I knew an address for her. Yet I wonder if its a smart thing…I’d ask Letty but I’m afraid of her response. Well there’s nothing wrong with sending it to Flan, it just might be ackward, on par with sending it to the Heubels which I am doing too. And I could do a lot worse…I didn’t write any kind of note at all in Kathleen’s, I’m sending it to her office even though I have her home address and I havn’t contacted her on facebook lol.

Oh why does it have to be so complicated? Why can’t I just love people without constraints?

My IBS is acting up…I need to go to the doctors but I’m not sure whether or not I have health insurance. The insurance company says I’m still on the books but according to Cardone I’m not supposed to be so they could remove me at any moment and they said they can even make it retroactive….so I’m trying to hold off until January…I guess I could start taking the Paxil again since it does help with it…but I just don’t want to. I’m a stubborn little bitch.

I’m stealing this from Tiffany…because I can…

Day 1: A favorite song
Day 2: A favorite movie
Day 3: A favorite book
Day 4: A favorite television program
Day 5: A favorite quote
Day 6: A moment you wish you could relive
Day 7: Five things you couldn’t possibly live without
Day 8: A thank you letter to someone who has changed your life
Day 9: A photo you took
Day 10: A photo of you taken over 10 years ago
Day 11: A photo of you taken recently
Day 12: A song you want played at your wedding (or was played)
Day 13: A guilty pleasure
Day 14: A vacation you would like to take
Day 15: A person you admire
Day 16: A song that makes you cry
Day 17: An art piece
Day 18: A time when you felt passionate and alive
Day 19: A talent of yours
Day 20: A hobby of yours
Day 21: Something you know you do differently than most people
Day 22: A website
Day 23: A way in which you want to be remembered
Day 24: A movie no one would expect you to love
Day 25: A recipe
Day 26: A childhood memory
Day 27: A physical feature you love
Day 28: A scar you have and its story
Day 29: Hopes, dreams, and plans you have for the next 365 days
Day 30: A motto or philosophy

Published in: Uncategorized on November 20, 2010 at 8:36 pm  Leave a Comment  

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