About My Story

I’m am a 22 year old Jersey girl living in South, South Texas.

I was born into what the majority of the nation would term a “conservative Christian” household. I am the oldest of five kids. I went to a private school, run by my church, from Kindergarten to 8th grade. My family attended church faithfully every week and was continually involved. My grandparents were in charge of setting up communion, my father was a deacon and my mother a sunday school teacher. Over the years I have been active in Awana, our Drama Program, Nursery, Choir, and our Special Needs Children’s Program. 

After 9 years in a Baptist Christian School, I attended a large public highschool known and awarded for its academic excellence. There I was introduced to a diverse group of friends. Many of my closest friends were Jewish kids, primarily on the more conservative side because we shared many of the same values. Our school had kids of all backgrounds, religions, races and sexual orientations.

Immediately after my high school graduation I was raped by a young man I was close to at school. I became pregnant but lost the child to a miscarriage very early on. I hid all this from my parents, having been taught indirectly through my Christian upbringing that such things only happened to sinful people. The girls who got themselves involved with drinking, partying, drugs, etc. I felt my secret was a shameful one and only told my mentor. My good friend, a former teacher who was close to me for many years.

I earned a full scholarship through the state for academic achievement. Adhereing the provisions of the scholarship, I spent two years at the county level college and then transferred to the state university. My parents moved across the country to Texas the summer before my junior year because of work circumstances. I spent one year rooming with a single lady but did not get along with her and then a year on my own which was not good for my morals…

I graduated in May 2010 with a Bacholer’s in English and in History. I hold an associate’s degree in both from the two-year college.  I have been through more than one hospitalization and an intensive outpatient program for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression. I am still on the road to recovery in that area. For the last 6 months or so I have been in living, jobless, with my parents in South Texas. It’s starting to try my patience.

I have found a wonderful group of people down here. A college and 20-somethings group from a few local churches but as much as I appreciate them individually, it has started to bring back up many questions I have especially when combined with the attitudes of my therapist who seems intent on convincing me I am blinding holding onto a religion I no longer believe in.

I wish to clarify that I am not an athetist. I am not trying to be a ‘bible-basher’. I am not criticizing the church and christianity as I see it out of spite. I am just a young woman looking at what my past has given me in regards to teachings and expierences and trying to figure out how it applies to the present.

1 Corinthians 13:12 says that “Now we see through a glass darkly, but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.”

I don’t understand what I am seeing here on earth at this moment, God hasn’t revealed it. I am simply speculating and pondering about what goes on. Once in Heaven, all will be revealed.

Jessi Bennett | Create Your Badge

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Published on December 27, 2009 at 9:21 pm  Leave a Comment  

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